“So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.” (Romans 14:19 NLT)

Android or iPhone? Starbucks or Dunkin? Over or Under for toilet paper?

Be cautious when throwing out these seemingly simple questions to friends or strangers. They can definitely cause a heated debate quickly! Debate can be healthy, and as we all know can take a nasty turn easily. 

With everything going on in the world right now and seeing so many groups divided, God put it on my heart to dive into how I am called to disagree with others only with and through love. 

Looking at scripture you will find a TON of examples of how Jesus handled disagreements so I had to be choosey and pick just 3. It was a tough decision so I encourage you to dive deeper if this is on your heart as well.

Starting in Romans 14:19, we see the importance of building others up. This is against everything that the world tells us, as most things are. We are told and even celebrated for doing things on our own: climbing the corporate ladder (even if it means stepping on others along the way), chasing independence (while at times prioritizing checklists over our relationship with God), and finding more ways to focus on ourselves rather than on others, and most importantly, on God. I list these things not to cast my judgment on others but to recognize I have done this as well. The Good News is we have a chance to turn that worldly view upside down and start building others up instead of being focused inwardly only. Take a moment to think of how it would be if we all were a little more “hype girl/guy,” how amazing the world would be, and how it would feel getting that same energy and encouragement from everyone around you. Jesus showed us how to build others up in many places throughout the bible, but you can find a perfect model in Luke 22:32. Jesus shows us we can pray with and for anyone. We can do this silently, but praying out loud for them is powerful. I will be challenging myself to do this more often. 

Next stop, James 1:19, where God tells us the importance of listening to others. The power of listening to someone in a disagreement gives you their perspective while diffusing the tension at the same time. I still love that old saying, “ You have 2 ears and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak.” It is solid advice to stop and REALLY listen to the other person. Jesus shows us the importance of listening to others and allowing them to speak (YES, even when they have different viewpoints than us!). One example of this is in John 4 when Jesus stops to talk and listen to the Samaritan woman. At this time, Samaritans were despised by Jews. When you realize that, Jesus’ conversation with the woman takes a whole new level of power. Think of coming across someone you despise (I’m not just slightly dislike here) and you taking the time to stop to listen to what they have to say. While it makes most of us squirm in our seats thinking of this, it is exactly what Jesus is modeling us to do. Stop and listen. 

While we could and should spend a lifetime focusing on Jesus’ teachings of how we are to interact with others, let’s wrap this up for now with Matthew 16. In this chapter, the disciples are questioning and having different viewpoints of who Jesus is, even talking about what others say as well. Then in Matthew 16:15, Jesus shows us what to do when we have confrontations and disagree with others. Jesus shows us that it’s okay to encourage reflection to have that person think it through with you. When we slow down to think through a problem together, it will not only diffuse any tension but will start a path to understanding each other’s perspective and hopefully lead to the first step of a solution. 

Are you as pumped as I am today to be more like Jesus in my next disagreement? If so, here are a challenges for the week:

• Send a quick text or comment to someone, pumping them up 💪👏
• Pray with someone. Pray for someone, even a stranger you see, you can lift up a silent prayer for them, God’s listening. 
• Listen. (Simple but powerful)

God, I pray that I hear and listen to you as you guide me through my disagreements and arguments. Help me to be more like Jesus, responding with love even when I disagree. I pray this in your name, Father, Amen.